Firstly, let me start off by saying the obvious.
Actually, I realize the name of the article has already done that, so I’ll go with the second most obvious.
Elton John picture inbound.
The Elton pic is a bit of a non-sequitor compared to the last two, but I really didn’t know how else to start off this post. In fact, this line of thought is largely a spray and pray effort all together, as I brace myself for the oncoming battle many have come to know as E3. Somehow and surprisingly, I failed to mention my confirmation that I was going to E3 on ATE at all, which is astounding, to put it lightly. One of the very reasons Active Time Event was even put into motion was as a means to an end, this very end (point in fact), and one I’m about to reach in a few days time.
So where have I been? While I could cite my editors gig on Gamersyndrome as taking up a chunk of my time, anyone who would bother to check would realize I’ve been woefully quiet in the past…two months really. Very few articles to speak of, compared to my normal work load, which is offensive when considering E3 is basically Christmas for gamers. Last year, I was writing for ATE, Gotgame and Gamersyndrome, pushing myself to the limits in providing as much coverage as humanly possible regarding the lead up to the show (and then the show itself). I even wrote a very bizarre piece involving a several part non-review of Animal Crossing, which made the work load even heavier (and odder). I mention this all as an absurd aside, as I wasn’t even going to E3 last year despite my constant blood letting in covering the event, which was still a pipe dream in the making.
But, I digress. I didn’t fully answer the question I posed: Where I’ve been. The answer is simple, though not exactly inspiring. I mean to say, and sadly so…I’ve been no where, at least no where I should have been. Not looking at endless screens of E3 hype, not busy writing out my own speculation involving the inevitable bounties the show will provide, and not killing myself trying to become a master of a domain I seek to conquer. No, the sad truth of the matter is that I didn’t end up reacting the way I always figured I would to this grand eventuality. Whether rationale or not, I’ve been largely beside myself, confused and most certainly in a state of chaos. Trying to find the energy to write, pondering my relationship to games and my general sense of being through and through.
Probably not the exciting hype machine you wanted, and I sympathize with you dearly in your disappointment with me . As has been mentioned previously and can be cited historically (many times over I may add), I’ve always been stoked, psyched and completely excited for these paradigm shifts in gaming information. Observing the culture always entertains me, satiates me, each massive out pour of juicy information holding me over for the next big feast. E3, the biggest meal of them all, leaving me full and stuffed without effort. I only need look back at a number of journals and word documents I’ve written, detailing past expos’ I’ve watched from afar with great fervor, in reminding myself of the delicacy they represented. Endless documents proving my excitement, from a distance, talking about the event as If I was already there, even if only in spirit.
Why then, when I’ve been guaranteed success and am about to claim my long sought prize, do I falter and waver in the face of confusion? I’m not entirely sure, which makes sense, hence the confusion. I could mention a few events in the past six months that have most certainly contributed to an underlying sense of misery and distraction, though something as monumental as going to E3 should override all of that, bringing out energy that no amount of negativity could ever suffocate.
Which is something I’m trying to keep in mind moving forward, something I have to keep in mind moving forward. I’m not even sure how I’m going to effectively cover the event, with very basic means and an overwhelming sense of overwhelmed senses, but rest assured, I’ll try my damnedest to. You may think this post is a little raw, and you’d be right. I don’t normally go on about myself at such great lengths without hiding behind the games as the relevant point of interest. The games, the very reasons I’m here, the things above all else that are worthy of y time and thought. Due to my own internal state of severe irrationality however, the impending storm I’m not quite ready for, and the magnitude of importance it all represents, I’m trying my best to not be without words…
…because when I’m finally at E3 and barely comprehend what it all means, it will be a tall task not to be speechless entirely.