A Running Joke

Hey Gamers,

I have been avoiding doing a post about Sonic the whole week, the assumption being I had exhausted all jokes about Sonic thought possible.

Pictured: Sonic getting preemptively angry at me  for using him as a running joke.

Pictured: Sonic getting preemptively angry at me, for using him as a running joke.

SEGA, however, seems to have endless material to supply me with.

At some point, somewhere, SEGA got really into ingesting prescription medication. Some speculate it was around the time they overlooked the fact The Dreamcast could play burned copies of their retail games, but I believe their addiction to cough syrup started long before that.

Long before that.

Long before that.

Back to point, I’m genuinely surprised SEGA is offering 25 Extra Lives as a “preorder bonus”. I know the company has had issues balancing their day to day, while being completely fucked up on Robitussin (or so I speculate), but that doesn’t mean you can treat everyone else as if they’re as high as you are. I don’t mean to act self-entitled, not at all, I just mean to point out the obvious. 25 extra lives is not a value on any level of sobriety, and the out of touch gesture seems almost too absurd, even for SEGA.

It would have been better for them to have done nothing at all, not to say I wanted them to avoid developing Sonic Lost World all together. The game looks to be taking appropriate steps in solving some of Sonic’s age old issues, and not creating new ones.

SEGA, the company that knows how to make a mountain out of a mole hill, and a werewolf out of a hedgehog.

SEGA, the company that knows how to make a mountain out of a mole hill, and a werewolf out of a hedgehog.

To be fair, the non-wolf segements of Unleashed,  were really fun, and added some great influence on the refined enjoyment Generations ended up being. SEGA doesn’t always make bad decision after bad decision with their little blue ball of shit, and occasionally, even relieves with his presence from time to time.

No Joke.

No Joke.

I’m not referring to the recent Sonic Mega Man cross over comic with the pic, though that is equal parts awesome. I refer to Sonic’s recently announced return to the Smash scene, in all of his rampant glory. I was under the impression he was a shoe in, SEGA did make him exclusive to Nintendo platforms after all, which is madness to a retro gamers mind. True non the less, and all for the better, as he was an excellent addition to the Brawl roster, and one that helped to dilute the heavy essence of Nintendo clones running about.

Picture: Shadow prematurely angry, that he'll be made fun of, at the same time he wont be decided as a playable character in the next Smash game.

Pictured: Shadow getting preemptively angry at me, for using him as a running joke, and the assertion he shouldn’t be in the next Smash Bros.

If we had to see someone run along side Sonic in the new Smash from his game, Tails would be my vote. Knuckles is an incredibly likely candidate as well, just due to his more aggressive nature. I’d list another character from the Sonic universe as possible alternatives, but I’m out of good ones to choose from. One of these days I’ll have to make a chart, that directly correlates the low quality of a new Sonic character and their chronological introduction without exception.

Okay, one exception.

Okay, one exception.

Even if they don’t pick another character from the Sonic universe (Tails or Knuckles), that’s a okay. I’m glad to see the rambunctious blue baller back in business of busting buddies. If nothing else, the reveal of Sonic from the Smash Dojo, reminds us that a game can be fun, even before its not out…the site setting the standard of what pre-hype for a video game should be all about. Creating an active community, and engaging your fan base with something as simple as a picture, showcases to me why multiplayer games have been, and will likely always be one of the most inviting aspects in the gaming universe.

Which is something the Sonic Universe is usually a stranger to.

Here's an example of something that is not the most inviting thing in the gaming universe.

An example of a non-inviting aspect in the gaming universe.

I admit, I kinda just threw that one out there, possibly ruining a good joke without a better running head start.

Seen Here: Sonic getting ready to kill me, as he spirals into a new realm of pissed off from all of the jokes at his expense.

Seen Here: Sonic getting ready to fucking kill me, as he spirals into a new realm of pissed off from all of the jokes I’ve made at his expense.

That picture of the silhouettes was of the new Sonic cartoon coming out, which from casual observation, looks to further degrade the only decent character designs left in the Sonic universe. I can only hope the show is immediately canceled, or immediately forgotten, so as not to muddy the bad name of Sonic any further. I wont completely piss on the cartoon till I see it of course, though from the looks of the teaser pic I have shown here, they couldn’t have possibly gone with a worst character redesign of Sonic the Hedgehog.

I apologize for my dishonesty.

I apologize for my dishonesty.

Well, now that I’ve exhausted myself with a marathon of hedgehog jokes, and sped through this post with a run on bad Sonic puns…

Sonic Oh Yeah

………

I think it’s about time I rush out of here, before I get lost in the horrors of a Sonic Labyrinth, or hit a wall for fun material like it’s 2006 again…

Super Sonic Angry

GOTTA RUN!

~Pashford

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