Quickie: Eat Me Alive

Hey Gamers.

Moving from examining curious to noticing the  hungry, gaming is never hesitant in trying to satiate all of our major sense.

Though, on occasion, gamers are force fed unnecessarily.

I'm gonna be sick.

Is this even edible?

Among the delicious and less appetizing choices we have on the menu today, there is definitely something here for everybody. First up, I wish to mention that Kirby’s Adventure has finally been released on the Wii U Virtual Console. This title is just another in a long line of treats Nintendo has very leisurely sprinkled out to Wii U owners. Despite the digital titles slow release pace, the game is most certainly fun, and a NES classic that reminds us of the hay day of Nintendo Fare.

Not that Nintendo fans are starved for nostalgia.

Not that Nintendo fans are starved for nostalgia.

The main upshot here is that Kirby’s Adventure is only 30 cents right now, a gift by many standards. While I appreciate the generosity, and will enjoy playing through the game again, the question remains: does Nintendo realize what’s happening? That they’re once again falling into the very same rationing problems of consoles past? With important delay, after unbelievable delay, followed by saddening cancellation, you’d think Nintendo would be working hard to get us newer games faster, or older games to us less slowly. All of this in an effort, to at leaast try and reinforce the truth that “it will be different this time“,  and that “we won’t fuck the software release schedule up for the Wii U” <citation needed>.

Hmm…this all seems vaguely familiar.

In any case, I at least have my consolation prize, in the form of mass gluttonous fun with my favorite pink ball of puff.

Kirby, seen here about to mug Whispy Woods

Kirby, seen here about to mug Whispy Woods

Next on my list of good eats, involves the announcement of the Metal Gear Solid: Legacy Collection (PS3 Exclusive).



This massive compilation of the best in stealth action, is slated to hit in the not too distant future of June 2013. In this gargantuan gathering of gaming greatness, you have MGS1, MGS2 HD, MGS3 HD, MGS4 (with trophy support), Peace Walker HD, The VR Missions, Metal Gear 1 and 2, and two extra Ashely Woods digital graphic novels involving the MGS series.

Did I mention Snake Eater?


Mmm, Tasty.

While some of you may be miffed about having so recently bought the last MGS collection, give it some time. The amount of content all in one place here is staggering. I’m imagining with solid ports in the collection, and a modest price point, Konami will have people going absolutely ape over this.

The alternative involves Konami back stabbing.

The alternative situation a far grimmer one.

 Next up is a bit of an all you can eat buffet, with just another in a long line of indie bundles that represent delicious in all the right ways. The newest Indie Gala Bundle, offers up a host of great indie and AAA titles alike. For a measly five bucks, you can score yourself a slew of well spoken of indie titles, including Shank 2, a vicious good time. In a some what out of the ordinary move, a huge title, in the way of Mass Effect 2, is thrown into the mix. That game alone is worth more than five bucks, and you’re getting nine more titles for the same price. Not only that, but you can adjust what you pay, so if you want all of the money to go to the developers or entirely to a charity, the choice is yours.

The little guys need to eat too!

The little guys need to eat too!

Lastly, with a mention that may ruin the appetite, is the most absurd mention of eats on today’s menu. While Microsoft has been known to commit downright horrific atrocities, I see they still have the chutzpah to try and top themselves, in an endless cycle of malice. With a most definitely overlooked intention, and intensely obvious repercussions ,  a Pizza Hut app has just gone up on Xbox Live, allowing one to summon any number of calorie orbs, directly through their dashboard, and into their dying faces. Microsoft assures us “It’s better with Kinect”, which is akin to reminding us that animal abuse is easier with a hammer.

Speaking of abuse easier to do with a Kinect...

Speaking of abuse that’s easier to do with a Kinect…

While I’ll ignore criticizing individuals on whatever diets they choose, however poor, I do believe Sterling observed it best: ” I’ll add this to the list of things I’ll crank out the next time Microsoft tries to pretend its Gold account scheme is oh so necessary because otherwise it’d have no cash.” While it hasn’t been stated that one will need a Gold account to access this app, the likely hood is incredibly high. The real problem here, beyond people using their bodies as toxic waste dumps, is the unavoidable bullshit related rationale the Pizza Hut app gives, in providing one more superfluous reason Gold costs $60 (as a reminder, the only way to enjoy mulitplayer experiences on the console).

The act of ordering pizza, which you can do on the phone, or via the internet, is already a free enterprise, like many other travesties advertised as premium on the Xbox Live Dashboard. This mention of pepperoni, and the promise of more cheese, is a sign of foreboding that Microsoft will once again, rationalize a higher price point, or somehow squeeze more inane finance, out of an already broke demographic, with an already broken system. The sad notion is some of us are gorging too hard to care, and others just can’t resist the taste.

Pictured: The Average Xbox Live User, after the Implementation of the Pizza Hut App on Xbox Live.

Pictured: The Average Xbox Live User, after the Implementation of the Pizza Hut App on Xbox Live.

The PC guys laughed from moment one when they heard online gaming was going to cost gamers any money, let alone lots of it.. I turned a blind eye to the Xbox Live price point, and somehow deemed it okay, with the unavoidable truth that my friends had it, and I needed it too. As a person who enjoys all gaming, these truths of peer-pressure frighten me, in the notion I have no real power in my spending habits, when faced with all or nothing. I use the service an untold number of hours a year, and is the only saving grace here, though I’m always left wanting something more refreshing, wanting nothing more than walking away with a cleaner taste in my mouth. A higher price point is good, but the value must be just.

Microsoft never did learn how to temper the gaming masses, or how best to impress them with savory sweets.

You know how best to feed the hungry masses?

Feed them what they're hungry for.

Feed them what they’re hungry for.

Happy Eating



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