The Attic

After a long rampancy of posts regarding the Wii U, and shouting about the consoles initial endeavors, I take a moment of pause. Not to say you will hear no more about the system, mind you. Nintendo will likely get another five good years of magic out of the S.S Wii U. Shortly there after,  metaphorically start sinking, and responding by turning the on board faucets to full blast…

…all in the name of collecting on their insurance money returns.

Nintendo's Accountants.

Nintendo’s Accountants

In any case, this not being my first online venture, I figured I’d provide a little historical context to my writing. While the story of how I’ve progressed my skills won’t dazzle, I suspect my “online clippings” from writings of old will better help to frame how far I’ve come. This will take the form of a new feature called “The Attic”, and will chronicle some of my earlier attempts of gaming entertainment.

My first scrapped idea, as the alternative to this feature, was attempting a cyclical approach of posting content. That is to say, write enough content for one month, and then keep re-posting it, and disavow any knowledge of the intentional repetition.

One example of my "new content".

One example of my “new content”

Once the site attracted enough readers, and my perceived apathy/trolling caught enough flak, I would then pass it off as some kind of viral marketing ad scheme to advertise one of the re-releases of the Bill Murray film, Groundhogs Day. This would trigger a thoughtfully aggressive debate between my fan base, on whether I had “past my prime” or was too avant-garde for the internet masses to understand. All the while, fueling the debate on both sides by releasing the same content.

One example of my "new content"

One example of my “new content”

Of course,  I enjoy the prospect of writing about video games, and immediately condensed the idea into a two paragraph and three picture joke.

Seen Here.

Atic New

Digressing intensely to my much better second idea. I present to you one of the first major thought’s I ever posted online. I wanted to avoid pulling a Lucas, and did no editing whatsoever to the piece, presenting a more accurate picture of who I was at the time. Therefore, the initial concept is left untouched, leaving it in it’s original incoherent state from April 5th, 2007.

Try to enjoy it.


Today in The Attic:


Gotta Ban Em’ All!

The following excerpt was taken from (at least) a post on Daily Gaming News on April Third:  “The Kansas Board of Education approved a controversial measure yesterday that will ban all Pokemon video games, trading cards, and related merchandise because of the franchise’s blatant promotion of evolution. The vote, which passed by a narrow margin after weeks of debate amongst members of the board, is being hailed as a victory by conservatives and religious groups.

Teachers will now be required to search their students at the beginning of the school day to make sure that they aren’t carrying any copies of the game. Any copies that are found will be immediately and permanently confiscated, and the student may be subject to punishments ranging from a temporary suspension to outright expulsion for repeat violators.”

In other news, Kansas has not been laid in 50 years.
I’m now severely convinced at this point that to spawn an idea, any one idea, regardless of content or nature, you are in fact spawning hate, with little or no warning, to with no answer could possibly suffice as response. Hmm…well, I suppose I should just rephrase that whole thought with this: would it even be possible to hire enough man power to remove all the sticks in everyones ass in todays society, without effectively, needing to re-holster gathered timber to shut someone ELSE the hell up? The answer is no of course.
You’ll Always have too many sticks…

Far be it from me to point out how pissy the south always has to get over anything that doesn’t end in “car” or begins with kk. The Kansas school board should be proud of the fact that it can free up enough time to tackle the overwhelmingly difficult issues, such as banning a video game about pocket monsters, instead of something as trite and trivial as to say…I don’t know…SCHOOL WORK. Maybe trying to focus on the increasingly high drop-out rate, lowering test scores, or the ever existing drab conditions most public schools face now a days just wouldn’t keep them busy enough huh? Not to mention all cited problems all seem to be an even greater source of contention specifically in the red states.
I’m sure before this though, they were way too busy focusing on pouring way too much money on something even more idiotically pointless, like building up there athletics curriculum or sports teams. Couldn’t they just get back to half-assing all the problems they can’t solve rather then invent new ones? Man…they should have really made a law about separation of church and state somewhere, or at least have some actual proof of this whole “evolution” thing.
Oh well, in the end, it all really boils down to a damned religious fiasco with a key statement “being hailed as a victory by conservatives and religious groups.” Good job guys. You’ve taken a big step to disproving years of scientific effort and grounded fact of how monkeys never existed and inter-family relations has absolutely no correlation to how many broken vehicles you have on your front lawn…And to think…all they had to do was ban a video game!
It all makes sense now. Christmas is saved!
I think next on Kansas’s agenda is banning that “fancy witch-craft” known as homosexuality by disallowing the sales of Harry potter books throughout the state. I’ve read their thorough and highly detailed outline on the back of a Denny’s napkin.
Very impressive.
I tell you…fucking Kansas.
Digimon Fans…every last one.
That was not my first gaming related piece of writing, but the earliest I could find. Back in the summer of 2002, an old high school friend and I made a very basic website, centered primarily around video games. Not much content ever made it to the site, and one of the few substantial pieces that made it to post was indeed, my first actual attempt. This was in the form of a Super Smash Brothers Melee review, followed by a review of Dark Cloud, and lastly Halo.

Sadly, those write ups are beyond the void, and only remain in memory. This piece “Gotta Ban Em’ All!” was actually not posted on any gaming site to speak of, and was a random blog post I made on Myspace. As you can see, my style…barely existed, and I seemed to have a vague sense of speculation that I translated to fact on the spot. My experiences were next to nothing at that point, so some of my accusations are just  stereotypical non sense. I surmise a younger me was emulating the likes of Seanbaby and Maddox, poorly I might add. I had little to draw from, and they were two internet satirists I grew up reading, and being endlessly entertained by.

The cause and effect seems obvious.

The attempt is adorable, and when compared to idea’s I’ve presented on this site, infantile in structure. If nothing else, “Gotta Ban Em’ All!” foreshadows my efforts at conveying ideas. Ideas  involving my passion of playing, and doing so through the use of jokes, which is way better than some of my other earlier attempts of communication. One of my earliest posts involved me writing about winter, which is really fucking weird.

That ends my small commentary on what is, for all intents and purposes, my first recorded write up. The only other thing of mention before this post involving Myspace blogs, was a reference to “…chronicling the Minor Rules of Nothing Major…” which was an interestingly perceptive comment. More so on where I was headed within my own destinations of writing.

This is due in part, to “The Minor Rules of Nothing Major”  eventually taking on a new name entirely…


Leave a comment

Filed under The Attic

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s