E3 2016: Nintendo, Microsoft, And Sony

Hey Gamers,

Once again, I excitedly share the news about being invited back to E3.

Like, as excited as making bacon pancakes excited.

Like, as excited as making bacon pancakes excited.

I have always found E3 to be one of the biggest highlights of the gaming year, and having had the pleasure of experiencing a couple firsthand, my opinion has only been strengthened in it’s resolve. I always cover the show as Editor-in-Chief of Gamersyndrome (as I will this year, too), but due to server issues, I can’t even log into my own site right now. Oh the frustrating irony of it all.

Like Batman being locked out of the Batmobile.

Like Batman being locked out of the Batmobile.

Like every year, before the show, I always enjoy talking about what we can expect, by throwing around some fun speculation, and generally, shoot the shit about what the fuck we are waiting for. This year is no different, and I want to take this moment now to run down some of the major players and what they have to bring, at E3 2o16. First up, we look at Nintendo and see what massive variety they have planned for the show floor.

That's right folks, The Legend of Zelda is just the beginning.

That’s right folks, The Legend of Zelda is just the beginning (of the end).

It’s been no secret that Nintendo has vowed to finally showcase Zelda NX, in all of it’s beautiful glory at E3 2o16. What’s more, is that the big N plans on having multiple kiosks for Zelda on the show floor for attendees to play and enjoy, along with a Treehouse Live special going on during E3, which has developers hands on with the title, showing off the new Hyrule in all of it’s next gen bravado for the world to see.

If that wasn’t enough, Nintendo has also said Zelda will simultaneously release on both the NX and the Wii U, much to the delight of any Wii U owner, and one of very few delights they will know in the next year or so.

Pictured: Wii U owners reactions when they heard Zelda wasn't coming out until 2017

Pictured: Wii U owners reactions when they heard Zelda wasn’t coming out until 2017

Most of that sounds good, right? I hope it does, because Zelda at E3 is about the only thing Nintendo fans have to look forward to this year. For the third year running, Nintendo has opted out of doing a press conference, which makes some kind of sense, as it would be very hard to rationalize what would ultimately be a 90 minute commercial for Zelda, and not subsequently get pissed on by the collective gaming community. I know it worked for Nintendo with Super Mario Bros 3 and The Wizard once upon a time, but we live in a very different time now.

Very Different Times

“Very Different”

So yes, Nintendo isn’t doing a press conference, and they won’t have anything but Zelda on the floor. That is incredibly unprecedented by any E3 standard, and should help reinforce just how much trouble Nintendo has been in for awhile. Not a “Nintendo is doooomed” kind of implication, but all of these massive underwhelming announcements for the next year, in combination with the complete lack of content for the Wii U in 2016, and Nintendo is struggling to do anything outside of flashing their Zelda bling. Which admittedly, they do well.

As a fan of Zelda, I’m thrilled I’ll be surrounded by my favorite green clad hero. As a critic, I’m like “Dudes, are you serious? One freaking game?” I do my best to rationalize the situation in the sanest ways possible.

Zelda at E3

The upshot to this is that no one is really expecting anything from Nintendo at all this E3, so if Zelda is surprisingly good, they will  get great press about it. Which is perfect, cause they will likely get little press other than Zelda. They have back peddled recently to say they will mention in some capacity a few other titles, like the new Pokémon titles Sun and Moon, along with Monster Hunter and Dragon Quest VII for the 3Ds, but have safe expectations going into the show.

Let's hope Nintendo hasn't done to Zelda 's E3 showing what Link does to love letters.

Let’s hope Nintendo hasn’t done to Zelda ‘s E3 showing what Link has done to love letters.

Safe Expectation: Zelda. Seriously, that’s it.
Impossible Expectation: Nintendo has been lying about not showing the NX this year, and we get a physical look at the console, with an official name.

Next up, we have Microsoft, the tech giant that went from disastrous launch, to admirable sales for the Xbox One, with their system currently outpacing the success of the 360 in comparison of sales to time on the market. MS is still almost twice as far behind as Sony’s PS4 however, and will have to continue to pull out all the stops to catch up.

With one of the stops being continually not bringing up the failure that is the Kinect.

With one of the stops being continually not bringing up the failure that is the Kinect.

I know you wanted the Kinect to be embraced by your core base, Microsoft…but it’s just not going to happen

Microsoft is likely to continue their “games first” strategy that we saw them steam ahead with last year, tech add on’s and vague promises of future upgrades just (haven’t) and aren’t going to satiate the expectations of gamers. With more than 50% of all games announced at last years E3 (from all companies) still not out a year later, MS is going to have to wow the crowds with some concrete content with solid release dates.

Luckily, among the contenders for games likely to be announced at the show this year for the X1, we’ve got Crackdown 3, Cuphead, and Gears of War 4 all riding the hype train to E3. All three of these games have been in the works for some time, and round out an impressive variety that MS has been trying to compete with Sony on, a company that has had a quality stable of varied content in the past couple years.

Not that Sony hasn't had a varied amount of content that hasn't seen the light of day. Everyone is looking at you FF7.

Not that Sony hasn’t had a varied amount of content that hasn’t seen the light of day. Everyone is looking at you FF7.

To that point, we already know Gears 4 will be coming out October 11th, and it’s going to be one of the games to beat this year in terms of hype factor. I’d be surprised if Crackdown 3 didn’t finally have a release date announced, as well as Cuphead finally getting a launch window. I’m excited to finally see Rare showcase Sea of Thieves on top of it all, as they’ve had plenty of time to get the project off the ground, though a 2016 launch for it feels unlikely to me.

I think Recore and Scalebound are doomed to delay till 2017, considering what little we’ve seen of either in the past year. With Inafune heading up Recore, and having trouble getting even a small project like Mighty No.9 out, and Kamiya heading up Scalebound, who’s notorious for being patient in development to put out a quality experience, I will be very surprised if either see the light of day in 2016, but expect awesome previews at Microsoft’s conference non the less. It’s been rumored Halo Wars 2 will finally be announced, and I’m foolishly hopeful that it’s been in development long enough to be ready by years end.

But in he end, this is Halo we are talking about. We will likely be bummed about having to wait a little longer.

But in the end, this is Halo we are talking about. We will likely be bummed about having to wait a little longer.

Other honorable mentions go to Microsoft’s continual need to remind us it owns Mincecraft, some kind of Windows 10 pimping, and perhaps most excitedly, the rumored Xbox One slim, which is suppose to be almost half the size, and with possible 4k resolution support. There have also been rumors of an “Xbox Scorpio” flying about, which is supposedly far more powerful than the Xbox One, and possibly equipped with VR in mind, but with the Slim being the likely candidate (and MS still being mum on any possible VR focus), it would be pointless for Microsoft to announce the hypothetical Scorpio, as Sony and Nintendo have vowed not to bring new hardware to E3.

Which is believable, as Nintendo has barely vowed to bring any software to begin with *twiddles cigar*

Which is believable, as Nintendo has  vowed to barely bring any new software to E3 *twiddles cigar*

Safe Expectation: Microsoft announces a slew of release dates for big games, and the Slim is unveiled with a cool design and reasonable price point
Impossible Expectation: Microsoft shows working prototypes of a virtual reality machine, with a late 2017 launch window.

Last but not least, we discuss what Sony may do come this years E3, and what they have to avoid in order to not be the laughing stock of the gaming community.

Step 1: No crazy expensive announcements

Step 1: No crazy announcements


Step 2: No crazy promises

Step 2: No crazy long term promises


Step 3: Seriously...just don't be crazy, Sony.

Step 3: Seriously…just don’t be crazy, Sony. Sheesh.

While Sony has had their fair share of missteps in the past, they regularly have an incredibly strong showing at E3. Even when they announce something ludicrous, or ham fist some heavy handed promises, it’s at the least extremely entertaining on a memetic level. Though Sony has confirmed the existence of the  “PS4 Neo”, a new iteration of the PS4 line (much like the X1 Scorpio) which has been confirmed by Sony’s president to be more powerful and more expensive, it has also been confirmed it will not be making it’s E3 debut this year. Sony is still ramping up on showing off it’s not to distant future VR offerings with the PS4 VR add on, Project Morpheus, which will be the cheapest way to get your VR funk on.

No word yet currently on whether or not Sony will offer games which will have you getting funk off of your VR.

Though, unlike their competitors, no word yet on whether or not Sony will offer games which will have you getting funk off of your VR,

PS VR helps to solidify  the PS4 as the most attractive offering on the console side, and Sony has the sales numbers to back that up. There are quite a few games Sony has planned to discuss at their show this year, with some impressive names like Gran Turismo, Ace Combat, and Harmonix showing off titles for Project Morpheus for gamers to enjoy. Other titles which will be explored include Rigs: Mechanized Combat League, Dreams, a project from Little Big Planet Developers Media Molecule, and even a VR version of Rez, the highly acclaimed cult classic rhythm experience.

There are another dozen titles or so planned for PS VR, and it seems Sony is putting a great deal of focus on showing it off this year, which leads me to believe we may get a solid release date in late 2016, with the price point of $400. I know not everyone is sold on the idea of VR, but after having the joy of experiencing it myself at E3 2014, I can’t help but be excited for the future of virtual reality in gaming, which will only become more popular as the price goes down.

And like most major modern day tech innovations, I'm sure porn will most certainly convince everyone to jump in.

And like most major modern day tech innovations, I’m sure porn will most certainly convince everyone to jump in and help expedite cost reduction.

Putting aside the saucy nature of possible VR advancements, Sony has regular software lined up for their conference, including looks at Horizon: Zero Dawn, a futuristic open world third person action game that looks beautiful in motion, and a game I’m crossing my fingers comes out this year. The Last Guardian, which better have a release date this year, or is doomed to catch up with the number of times Duke Nukem Forever was delayed, the long awaited sequel to the gravitationally challenged Vita darling Gravity Rush 2, and possibly the rumored announcement of a Norse myth focused from one of Sony’s biggest, God of War 4.

Spoiler Alert: Kratos will most still be a massive asshole.

Spoiler Alert: Kratos will still be a massive asshole.

The last couple of years I’ve gone, while some companies have delivered the goods in terms of conferences (Microsoft 2014, Bethesda 2015), Sony always seems to be the ones to beat in terms of variety of content and showmanship. Let’s see if they can pull it off again this year.

Safe Expectation: Sony will announce a lot of cool shit
Impossible Expectation: Any of it will be cheap or come out any time soon.

And that concludes my overview of the big three in some of the preliminary analysis of E3 2016. What’s exciting is that the show is always anyone’s game, and even if one company rises above the rest, they all always have a chance to impress, and to collectively succeed to make an excellent show. What’s more is that this year has seen a surprisingly low number of leaks, so there are still a ton of surprises left, with dozens of unannounced projects just waiting to shock and awe. Stay tune as I cover the conferences and the show live from LA, as we all enjoy the awesomeness that is E3 2o16.



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Star Wars Battlefront: What Is “It”?

Hey Gamers,

Shh! Before you say anything, I think you should click the link below, and all of your questions will be answered.

Click Here For The Truth

I hope that has more or less cleared everything up for you: shit has sucked, fuck it blah blah blah…now let’s get down to the important business at hand, here.

Let’s bitch about Star Wars. Battlefront to be precise.

Told you it wasn't going to be about the prequels.

Told you it wasn’t going to be about the prequels.

A little late to the party when it comes to writing about Battlefront, but if we then consider my recent track record on providing content…

AD Footage not found

…this post represents a hell of a change of pace.

To that point, I missed the recent Battlefront reboot when it launched last November, despite being both a bigg Star Wars fan, and Battlefront enthusiast. While I am aware the first couple of games in no way represented the heights of gaming quality, they were damn fun, which makes them winners in my book. Remembering back to Battlefronts 1&2, and how much fun I did have vs how polished the games were (as in not quite at all), I must say I’m impressed. The camera and controls weren’t top notch, the graphics and gameplay weren’t mind blowing or very original,  and they did indeed utilize a metric shit-ton of nostalgia to dress up a lot of these issues with a cute Star Wars facade, to make you forget about all of the flaws the material truly had.

What Is Also Known As Ewok Syndrome

What Is Also Known As Ewok Syndrome.

And yet, despite all of their lackluster qualities, I spent hundreds of hours with the old Battlefront games and still remember them fondly. Which goes to show: sometimes it’s not about having all of the best elements, it’s about having enough of all of the ones that matter.

You Know What I'm Talking About Dynasty Warriors Fans.

       You Know What I’m Talking About                   Dynasty Warriors Fans.

With my thoughts on the originals now known, I move my analysis to the latest entry, in the hopes of investigating the reasons why the newest Battlefront doesn’t quite seem to be “with it”. If we also take into account how many  problems the original games had while still remaining extremely fun, it is clear from the start  the Battlefront Reboot fights an uphill battle to victory, with us the gamers having the high ground.

Now just where Have I heard that phrase before?

Now just where have I heard that phrase before?

As I begin my brief deconstruction of where Battlefront waivers, I find myself lacking a certain exposition on the matter. As I pointed out, the Battlefront reboot (BR) doesn’t seem to be “with it”, in a vague sense, or is lacking “it”, whatever “it” may be. While I will try to satiate your wanton curiosity of where BR went wrong, I may point out that this all powerful “it” BR lacks, may be a failing on a far larger scale than previously imagine, and unavoidable entirely.

The problematic “it” I speak of, may be due to problems at large with the industry at this point in time, or even where I am as a gamer. Keeping in mind I played the original Battlefronts over a decade ago, we then must consider that both the industry and I have aged, growing into different places at different times. To wit, I share this Simpsons quote in revealing the reason that I may not like the current iteration of Battlefront in another vague attempt to help you understand what “it” is: perhaps both Battlefront and I are just to old to be “with it”, or that the gaming industry has changed what “it” is, leaving BR and I in the proverbial cosmic dust.

I know that seems like an odd point of contention, but I did feel a bit old in critiquing the game, if not only due to asking what BR was missing, and how I perceive such irregularities…and though I articulate many points below, I always simply landed on the key element of what the reboot lacks.

And, I always come back to a simple ambiguous truth: the new Battlefront is just missing…”it”.

And you may continue to ask: What is it?

It's it!

It’s it!

What is IT??

It's IT!!

It’s IT!!

What IS IT???

IT'S IT!!!

IT’S IT!!!


IT'S IT!!!!

IT’S IT!!!!

…OKAY okay, I get it, “it’s” hard to describe.

Despite that, let me do my best to try to nail down what the definition of “it” is.

And no, that does not mean we are going to look at what the definition of "is", is.

And no, that does not mean we are going to go back and look at what the definition of “is”, is again.

…you know what it means.


Now, where were we then? Aw, yes! The Battlefront Reboot (BR).

For starters, and what’s immediately apparent, is that the top menu feels rather bear, almost as if there really isn’t enough content to even make the most basic of menus look appealing. I know the designers wanted to go for a minimalist look, but that didn’t mean they had to go with a minimalist content, too. Before I even picked up the game, I read a number of complaints from both press and players about the lack of single player content, and they weren’t exaggerated.

What’s interesting is that while I agree Battlefront leaves much to be desired in terms of single player content, I do recall that the first couple of games really only had a few basic modes to choose from (campaign, conquest, instant action), so I don’t think the problem is the lack of modes, just compelling ones that kept you coming back. Though each of these modes were basic in approach, they provided a satisfyingly diverse number of ways to replay them, and awesome ways to go about winning.

Like playing as the Empire and using the DEATH STAR to blow up your opponents planets.

The salt is strong with this one.

The salt is strong with this one.

As if millions of bitter friends suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced.

(Get rekt, Kashyyk.)

The originals didn’t have many bells and whistles to speak of in terms of single player content, but what was on offer was infinitely enjoyable and massively replayable. I did not at all get the same feeling from BR, as I was basically over what little single player content the game has in a matter of hours. This distinct difference between BR and the originals I think largely boils down to gameplay basics.

New elements introduced to the game, such as cool downs instead of replenishable ammo for almost any ability or weapon in the game feels inappropriate, and kills the pacing the originals had. The new Battlefront does away with old conventions with bad form or assumption on player demographics, forcing the player to “wait” to get the good stuff, which is a sin the reboot committed repeatedly, ad infinitum.

I was thinking the entire time you don’t even have to feel guilty about “ripping off” the old games ideas: you’re in the same family, it would be just like old times! Just reuse old ideas: it worked for Force Awakens, dammit! Look to your past and do what your predecessor would have done.

You know, like father like son...OH SHI-

You know, like father like son…err, bad example.

Man, is the Battlefront Reboot like the tantrum throwing Kylo Ren to the old Battlefronts swag as fuck Han Solo originals?

Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

Search your feelings, you know it to be true!

Following up on my point, many of the issues Battlefront has had since day one involves the dirty use of enforced wait time on the player. Want to use your cool abilities and weapons you could use almost all the time in the originals? Hold your banthas, now Want to use even the most rudimentary of gear the game has to offer to have a better chance at surviving and kicking ass? Wait it out, sonny. Want to get from point A to point B without the travel feeling as long winded as trekking through a Tatooine desert? Too bad.

While I know many other shooters now a days make you play to earn better gear, Battlefront seems to be below average on the scale of pacing the reward system appropriately. Hell, I was jonesing so much to use the cooler weapons, I would willingly go back to the stunted single player modes, so I could feel like more of a Jedi than a Jawa.

Pictured: Me Spawning on a team against a single long time player.

Pictured: Me Spawning on a team against a long time player.*

However, even die hard multiplayer fans will have to wait to get what they want, regardless of how much they want to speed up the process. Not only does the grind for a lot of the better equipment seem extensive (as compared to the almost instant gratification of cool gear in BF 1&2), one of the main tabs on the top menu is for the season pass, which includes four expansion packs, the first of which is not even out by the time of this writing (four months after the games launch day).

It’s hard to argue with many fans who have felt they were”sold an engine” as opposed to an entire game, as so much of the content is locked behind a slow grind and a wait time, that an entire portion of the game is still locked behind another $40, after the $60 they already dropped…months after the initial launch.

EA And Dice Overseeing Continued Development Of Battlefront Post Launch

EA And Dice Overseeing Continued Development Of Battlefront Post Launch.

I can see the lack of cool gear from the get go will (and has) discouraged a lot of players, and I’ll bet the maps themselves may do something similar. A bad trend I’ve seen in recent games is making the maps “too big”, traversing them a boring and unnecessarily long process. You combine that with someone who is already frustrated at the lack of content they paid a lot for, on top of the feeling of helplessness with a lack of interesting starting arsenal, and you quickly realize having a game that constantly makes you travel a long distance, to possibly just immediately die upon final destination because a long time player has some pimp gear, would quickly become a deal breaker.

Leia's face prefectly capturing what many Battlefront fans thought after buying the game: I've made a huge mistake.

Leia’s face perfectly capturing what many Battlefront fans thought after buying the game: I’ve made a huge mistake.

Don’t get me wrong: I did indeed have some fun playing BR-the dog fights were surprisingly engaging, and some of the game modes had me enjoying the really awesome visuals and thick Star Wars nostalgia. Playing as one of the heroes and decimating as Vader was great, defending Hoth against an oncoming AT-AT was good fun, and slaying Storm Troopers on Endor in a hectic battle was cool- it just wasn’t enough.  I had reservations about buying this game at launch, not only from reviews, videos, and word of mouth mind you, but even going to E3 and playing early hands on impressions. While at the show, I had this awful feeling the whole thing felt way too hollow for it’s own good, and by the time I got to the finished product, I realized that I still hate being wrong.

I think if the game can be summed up in one important critique, it would likely be that the BR does not respect the players time. Between all of the enforced waiting, extensive grinding, and asking more and more from the player without proper incentive, this is less of a fast paced shooter and more of a slow paced action game with heavy RPG elements, taking all of the worst elements of modern day gaming, and throwing away all of the worthwhile mainstays. The Battlefront Reboot tosses aside almost every aspect of what made the originals so good with such obvious gameplay mechanics that work, in favor of cheap time grabs in the name of entitlement, which the game ultimately didn’t initially earn.

I said I’d avoid making fun of the prequels, and I’ll keep to my word. Instead, I will liken the Battlefronts to iterations of Han Solo in the original Trilogy.

Battlefront 1:

New Hope Solo

Battlefront 2:

Empire Solo
Battlefront Reboot:

Han Solo Carbonite

In closing, what was “it” that was missing? Was BR a victim of it’s time, never fully being able to recapture what the old games were due to new industry standards and expectations? Maybe I also, was in a different place due to the passage of time, and no longer liked what is considered the modern average? Could it be, that whatever “it” was, was indeed redefined, with only those who have lived long enough able to understand the change, and still remembering fondly what “it” use to be?

You know what I think? It’s true…all of it. Ultimately, the game may have failed to recapture what the originals meant, but perhaps recreating the past was an impossible feat to begin with.

Still, at least conceptually, Battlefront lives on.

As an afterthought, in terms of ideas being passed on, it is at least important Battlefront is being paid forward.

For it is the truth that many who have lived long enough, will know quality in different ways, and perhaps what once was is best left frozen in carbonite for them, a monument to past triumphs and beautiful memories. This same symbol of a treasured past may yet represent a new hope for those curious enough to rediscover it, and may still get a glimpse of what was once cherished, and perhaps they will carry the torch to a new generation.

After all, there is no shame in celebrating what has passed, and truly appreciating what made it so great, but that also doesn’t mean there isn’t worth in what’s left to enjoy, and what may follow in it’s footsteps.


(*Art by Pierre Loyvet)

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by | March 15, 2016 · 04:34

Sexy Brazilian Privacy 2: Pirate’s Booty

Hey gamers,

Promptly following up on a post I did a year and a half ago, I waste no time in once again observing gaming culture in Brazil, and the recent troubles it faces, likely causing massive duress for the country as a whole.

Err...Looks Like They Are Getting Along Real Well

Err…Looks Like They Are Getting Along Real Well, Actually.

Surely, somewhere in the mass expanse of Brazil, the recent problems it’s gaming culture faces is devastating the country side.

...Damn, That Looks Nice, Too.

…Damn, That Looks Nice, Too.

Uhh…I’m sure that the very real issues Brazil’s gaming culture faces are taking away from the beauty of…

Okay, Come On Now...That Looks Ridiculous

God Dammit

Okay, okay…so what I’m about to talk about Brazil probably doesn’t give a shit about, but it’s still mildly interesting non the less, and we will likely get a good joke out of it. Like the fact that someone, somewhere, is going to be very disappointed reading this post, after being misled by the title. So I’m just going to get that out of the way now, and totally turn off casual readers expecting something sexy.

Aaaand, There We Go.

Aaaand, There We Go.

*Clears Throat*

Moving on.

This post indeed follows up my first post entitled Sexy Brazilian Privacy, as it involves both gaming cultures oddball country, and Sony getting real all over it. While my first post was about ludicrous PS4 launch day prices, this post involves how Brazilian pirates have found a way to effectively hack PS4’s, giving way to a shady business, and a wealth of super cheap gaming for the Brazilian masses.

Sony, needless to say, is not happy.

Seen Here: Sony's Legal Department Reacting To What Brazil Is Doing

Seen Here: Sony’s Legal Department Reacting To What Brazil Is Currently Doing

I’m not sure how wide spread the problem is, nor am I sure this is at all related to the $1800 price tag Sony slapped on the PS4 when it first came out in Brazil. Either way, things suck for both parties big time. According to the original source, Sony has already sent out a cease and desist to the businesses they know are fucking up royally, but like most thieves, I’m sure they have approximately no shits left to give. I suppose it’s not all “Brazil’s” fault, as the source of the article claims that this method of hacking, albeit slight tweaked, originated in Russia.

Here’s hoping Sony teaches the lesson to the right people, or they might end up fucking over the wrong person.

Pictured: Sony's Current Legal Recourse

Pictured: Sony’s Current Legal Recourse

This is what happens, Brazil…

Let’s hope that’s not actually what happens to Sony, and that this crazy hack doesn’t make it too far outside of the country, or Sony (and the gaming people), could end up with potential complications on our hands.

On a side note, I just realized why Brazil was the only territory in which the SEGA Master System outsold the NES way back when: Brazil’s taxation system on video games is ridiculously high, about 125% in fact. I’ve discovered this is because Brazil’s government considers them gambling. Huh…totally makes sense now. For years it bothered me not knowing why.



Well, I guess Nintendo won that one in the end, huh?

Can't Win Em All

Can’t Win Em All

At least you can catch them all, right?

Amiibo sold


We're Done Here 2
And we’re done here.


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It’s A Meow, Mario

Hey gamers,

I finally got around to playing Super Mario 3D World, which in it’s pre-release showings, was bragging about having some very cool new power ups. They weren’t lying, either.

Suddenly, a cat.

Cat Mario

Mario Cat, To Be Precise

Actually no, I meant to say Cat Mario.

Cat Mario, To Be Perfectly Precise.

 To Be More Precise

That’s like that long forgotten pirate ghost debate: a ghost pirate being an entity that would be a ghost that was not previously a pirate. I think. In any case, I believe Cat Mario is the right way to portray this, as this Cat was previously a Mario, where as a Mario Cat was not previously a Mario. It’s about becoming, really. Being one with the kitty.

Not That Kitty

Not That Kitty

Doesn’t matter when.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, the cat suit in Super Mario 3D World is proper fun, and helps to give the game a far more impressive scale to the level design as a result. Scaling, and climbing and jumping every which way, the game has way more verticality as a result. I’ve noticed Nintendo be more about adding verticality to compliment some of their other games recently as well, with Link Between Worlds and Pokemon springing to mind. I don’t know why the big N suddenly got into going up and down, now out of all times, but that seems to be the case. I know Shigeru Miyamoto oversees a lot of Nintendo’s biggest games, and whenever he becomes interested in something new (he was really into gardening when developing the idea for Pikmin), you usually see a reflection of that in the games themselves.

So perhaps the reason so many Nintendo games are having fun going up and down so much recently, has to do with the fact that Miyamoto has developed an elevator riding addiction.

Stranger Things Have Happened

Stranger Things Have Happened

Speaking of which, I spent so much time during the course of this post considering the semantics of ghost pirates and Cat Marios, I ran out of time to talk about 3D world. Aside from the verticality observation, which we got a good joke out of, so. Yeah. I have plenty more to say on in the matter of Mario, which may be a result of having played his games for the last 23 years but, that’s kind of a win win for both of us. So yeah, see yah next time.

Oh, and I’ll try and think of a title that will top today’s post name.


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Tongue of the Fatman

Hey Gamers,

Quick post today, but more robust ones to come later. I will be the first to admit: my creative output for April was…err, lacking, to say the least.

I Am Very Aware, Thank You.

                  Yes,  I Am Very Aware, Thank You.

What makes less sense about my failings in producing more work, directly ties into how excited I was to be invited back to E3 at the beginning of April. While I was thrilled to begin sharing stories and pictures from last years E3 straight away, though my momentum in doing so failed entirely. I can cite sickness as a definite contributor to my struggled creative endeavors, but I feel no less guilty about the whole thing, excuse of no excuse. E3 has been, and in many ways still is Christmas time for gamers. Why my current energy levels are more akin to identity crisis is beyond me.

One possible answer, and one I’ve observed is true about me, is that I seem to have a habit of self-sabotage, so this may not be as surprising as I’m making it out to be.

Indeed, I could be just straight up trying too hard to “find myself”

Happens To The Best Of Us

                   Happens To The Best Of Us

In any case, this post was not intended to be some odd apology explanation (but is anyways), I was merely bringing attention to an awesome turn of events. The Internet Archive, which has helped to preserve a large swath of old video games for the sake of keeping history alive, has now allowed you to embed DOS games into tweets. I stumbled upon this little nugget of information when my friend Chris Kohler over at Wired, tweeted a story that had a game embedded in the tweet, which was then embedded into the story he tweeted.

Yo Dawg Chris 4What a time to be alive, truly. These dizzying levels of entangled technology, has reached new and delightful heights of self-reference. And I thought I had achieved true technological feats of horror, when I laid out my PS4 profile, which had a Vita screenshot of me playing Zelda on my Xbox One.

Down The Rabbit Hole We Go

                   Link Was As Shocked As I Was

Maybe not ground breaking news, but extremely cool non the less. I’m not sure if this makes Twitter a viable gaming platform in some regard, or if this strange technological loop hole has signaled a way into emulation legalities…but who cares? It’s damn fun. Check out the Internet Archive if you haven’t already, to get your hands on some sweet old school DOS games, and start tweeting at your friends to finally play the 1989 Activision game, Tongue of the Fatman.

Just You Know, As A Joke

               Just You Know, As A Joke

(Cause It Is)

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Fat Worm Blows A Sparky

Hey gamers,

As some of you may remember, my last post involved the excitement I had in being invited back to E3 for the second year running.

And There Was Much Rejoicing.

And There Was Much Rejoicing.

Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worst, and I came down with something shortly after.

Editors Dramatization

Editors Dramatization

Having regained my wits, and possessing a renewed sense of vitality, I was excited to get back to the gaming grind. As I mentioned last week, I look forward to sharing with all of you, a treasure trove of assets and stories from last years E3, something I’ve been meaning to get to since about this moment in time. I never mean to hesitate, but it ends up happening on a continual basis. I can only speculate my constant delays involve how the creative process can be an unpredictable beast; one plagued with narcolepsy, sporadically remaining dormant, only to chaotically awaken at the worst moments.

Creativity Can Be Lurking Around Every Corner

Creativity Can Be A Very Horrifying Process

I didn’t show up here with an agenda today, aside from an attempt at entertainment (wait for it), as my focus has been rather divided. A lot of people I hear giving recommendations on how to “get shit done”, will suggest being a master of multi-tasking, which I’ve concluded is a load of claptrap. I know it’s probably different for everyone of course, but I find I do some of my “best work” when I’m not thinking about it, merely doing instead of thinking of doing. Apparently, this is referred to as wu wei in Taoism, though I assure you, my own machinations are far from mystical.

Pictured: How I Normally Get My Article Ideas

Pictured: How I Normally Get My Article Ideas

Dancing naked to Goodbye Horses isn’t the only thing I did while trying to come up with the motivation to start writing today, the list was extensive:

Died in Super Meat Boy a lot-

About Five Minutes Worth Of Dead Bodies Here

About Five Minutes Worth Of Gameplay, Here.

Changed clothes-

I Was Feeling 12thy Today

I Was Feeling 12thy Today

Ate some ice cream- (See Above)

Enjoyed a nip of whiskey-


Listened to the Attack on Titan theme song way too many times-

Foreshadowing is Fun!

Foreshadowing is Fun!

Browsed pictures of Panda Bears:

What Fun

Like This One!

Debated with myself about self-awareness and quality of work-

Walter: Is This Your Article, Pash? The Dude: We Know It's His Fucking Article, Where's The Fucking Content You Little Brat!

Walter: Is This Your Article, Pash?
The Dude: We Know It’s His Fucking Article, Where’s The Fucking Content You Little Brat!?

I believe all of these things occurred in my own wu wei, but I don’t think being buzzed and imitating Buffalo Bill is what Taoists had in mind when coming up with the concept. However ridiculous this aside may seem, I wanted to stress two points: getting shit done is sometimes an absurd process, and two, if you find your own flow, it’s not about doing one task or doing many tasks, you will simply task, and results will follow.

Or Not

Or Not

I recently picked up my second replacement 3DS. While I am grateful to get my hands on the device for a third time, I also can’t avoid feeling a little silly I’ve somehow estranged myself from so many at this point. I’m seriously considering surgically grafting this fucking thing to my body, so as to avoid having the device become lost or damaged once again. Some of the longer time readers won’t at all be surprised that the game I’m currently playing is indeed a Zelda game. However, a similar number of you may be surprised I’m not about to do a 17 part retrospective mini-series about Majora’s Mask, and how it relates to both culture and time travel.

Heavy, I Know.

Heavy, I Know.

Rest assured, I’m enjoying it thoroughly, and I think the portable remake works just as well as Ocarina of Time did, but I wasn’t really struck with any sort of inspirational lightning bolt for an article this time round. Could be the divided focus I mentioned earlier, as I’ve been playing probably too many games recently, and not really getting stuck on a single one. Which is what I should likely do, as I tend to uncover truths or identify more interesting concepts when I house arrest myself in a virtual reality for a long enough time. I also spread myself too thin, foolishly thinking in a single week, I can halt an apocalypse, reconsider my stance on nuclear deterrents, prevent history from dying, conclude whether or not free will truly exists, keep the high score of Ms.Pacman at a local barcade intact…

My flow is a no go, and those who depend on me are suffering for it.

Is he really not coming this time? Because I'm totally going to push them off this shit.

Is he really not coming this time? Because I’m totally going to push them off this shit.

So yeah. That’s really it. This piece was suppose to be a warm up, and the unfortunate reality is that warm ups aren’t really top shelf dealings, but I had a couple of okay jokes in here so, yeah.



P.S: You know, on second thought, it does feel a bit wrong I’m not excitedly espousing about Zelda, as I’ve done such a good job of it in the past, I think I’ll leave you guys with a poll, on whether or not my next article should be about Zelda. Just click on one of the buttons below and tell me what you think.

POLL: Do you think Pashford should write about Majora’s Mask for his next article?

Yes []
No []


P.P.S: Some of you may be wondering why I named the article “Fat Worm Blows A Sparky”, and the reason for the title is simple. The article title is actually the name of a 1986 ZX Spectrum game that shares the same name, and I believe the experience of playing the game, is as confusing as this article was to write, and read there after.

See for yourself:

I told you the title made sense.


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E3: 2nd Coming

Hey gamers,

So, this happened today:

So Happened

So Happened

No, not the actual event, but my invite as a member of the press to E3 itself. I was invited last year, which was quite the ordeal (an amazing one at that), and needless to say, it’s a huge relief to have been invited once again. I’ve been so busy working, enjoying, and celebrating the occasion, I’ve had very little time to produce anything new of value today.

Except For, You Know, All Of This.

Except For, You Know, This Whole Thing

In any case, I thought I would share my extreme excitement about the event, and all of the hype that is sure to follow. I live blogged and wrote about my experiences last year, and will very much do the same this year. I have plenty of pictures and stories I have yet to share on a mass scale from E3 2014, and am excited to show all of you in the months to follow. I have lots of ambition, tons of ideas, and a ridiculous amount of excitement to speak of, but right now, I have a lot to be thankful for, and thought it would be nice to share it all with you.



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